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by charmingoutlaws (twdsunshine)



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-06-27 10:32:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15683646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/charmingoutlaws
Summary: When the reader left her life as a crow-eater to build a better future for herself, she didn’t expect to walk into her local bar and find Juice Ortiz falling apart.  Labelled a rat and forced to flee from his club, Juice needs all the help he can get, but will they be able to find the comfort they need in each other, as they both miss the family that once took them in?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn’t non-canon, but it’s not really canon either. It’s a brief detour from canon, working under the assumption that, when Gemma started to drive Juice out of town, she actually let him go…

The club was dimly lit, low-budget disco lights highlighting random patches of dancefloor where drunken bodies gyrated to a monotonous beat, whilst the rest of the room was cast in darkness.  Groups were clustered around small tables, pitchers of cocktails and bottles of cheap beer dotted about the sticky surfaces, as they talked about their weeks, their lives, their hook-ups and broken hearts.  You felt the eyes of those leaning on the balcony railings above follow you as you left your secluded corner and crossed to the bar, resting your forearms on the liquor-slick surface and raising a hand to catch the eye of the strung-out looking employee unfortunate enough to be on shift on a Saturday night.

‘Just a beer, please.’  You gave your order, holding out a bill which he took before he scurried away to get your drink, getting sidetracked by a group of lads getting increasingly rowdy as they fought for the attention of the dolled-up woman beside them.  You sighed, frustrated at having to spend longer than you’d intended in the crush, and drummed your fingers on the smooth wood, glancing around at the other patrons as they jostled for position in the queue.  

You almost didn’t recognise him at first.  He had his hood pulled up over his head, throwing his face into shadow as he hunched in his seat, but the rings that glinted in the glow of the bar fridges revealed his identity within seconds, and you rested a hand on his shoulder, stunned when he flinched away from your touch.

‘Juice?  Is that you?’

He raised his head to look at you, and you felt your breath catch in your throat at how utterly wrecked he looked, dark circles painting the hollows beneath his eyes, his cheeks sunken, his mouth drawn in a thin, tight line.

‘Juice!  God, I can’t believe you’re here!  Are you okay?’

Finally he spoke, a muttered, ‘Not really,’ that made your stomach knot as you watched him check over his shoulder, the tension coming off of him putting you on edge.

‘Okay.’  As the barman returned with your drink and your change, you slipped a few coins back to him, smiling apologetically.  ‘Sorry, can you make it two?’

With the two bottles clasped between your fingers, you reached for Juice’s hand, giving it a gentle tug as you motioned for him to follow you.  ‘C’mon, let’s talk, okay?  It’s alright.’

Reluctantly, he slipped from his stool, retrieving a large backpack that you hadn’t noticed before from the floor at his feet and shrugging it over one shoulder before he turned to follow you, weaving through the crowd until you reached your usual spot, a small booth tucked beneath the stairwell, isolated enough that you could speak freely without having to shout over the music.  Usually it just proved a good place for people watching since you mostly came here alone, but you had a feeling that Juice wasn’t in the right head space to handle the crowds.

You deposited your drinks on the table and waited for Juice to slide onto the bench seat, before sitting beside him, stealing glances at him as he shoved his bag out of the way and tugged his hood further down over his face.  It had been a long time since you’d last seen any of the Sons - nearly two years, you thought - and you certainly didn’t expect to find one of them in your new hometown.  There was no charter nearby which had been the main reason you’d decided to settle there.

‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ you murmured as you watched him take a swig from his beer, swallowing it down as though it was a lifeline, his fingers tapping nervously against the table edge.  ‘It’s so good to see you, Juice, I can’t even…’

You tailed off, but your words had snapped him out of his trance, and he finally gave you a smile, albeit one that didn’t quite reach his eyes, extending his arm to pull you into a tight hug.  

‘I’m sorry.  C’mere.  It’s good to see you too.’

‘What are you doing here?’ you asked as he released you, and you saw him inhale sharply before letting out an uncomfortable bark of laughter.  

‘Hiding out, I guess, trying to keep my head down.’

He looked so afraid in that moment, so vulnerable, that you longed to wrap your arms around him and hold him. Juice had always been one of the kinder brothers, one of the more sensitive of the group, but you couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so broken.  ‘What?  Who are you hiding from?’

‘SAMCRO.’

It took you a moment to process that information.  No, surely not.  The club after Juice… It was something you couldn’t even begin to comprehend, and that was the moment you realised just how long it had been since you’d turned your back on the MC and walked away.  It had been a tough decision, possibly the toughest you’d ever made.  You’d fallen into their ranks when your folks had died, leaving you completely alone in the world.  You’d already found yourself on the outskirts, tending bar in the clubhouse at the weekends, but with nobody else to depend on, you’d ended up spending more and more time with the outlaws, until they’d become a substitute family of sorts and then something else when too much vodka and an inexplicable need to have a purpose had thrown you headfirst into the life of a crow-eater.  It took a long time, maybe too long, for you to realise that you were wasting your potential, waiting for somebody to come along and claim you as their Old Lady.  You were meant for more than that, and so you’d packed your bags and left town.  You’d had no contact from any of the Sons in all this time, until now.

‘Shit, Juice.  What the hell happened?’

‘It’s, er, it’s kind of a long story.’  

‘I’ve got time.’

He took a deep breath, knitting his fingers together as he stared down at his lap.  ‘They think I’m a rat.’

Despite his reluctance, once he started talking, the whole story spilled out, and you settled back in your seat as you listened, your heart breaking for him as he told you about the RICO investigation, about Roosevelt trying to use his parentage against him, and about Darvany.  His hands began to shake as he described what he’d had to do to take her life, and you saw his eyes fill with tears as he spoke of his overdose, of Nero taking care of him.  ‘I guess I must’ve come clean when I was out of it, I don’t know.  But he knows it was me that killed her, and Jax knows he knows. He knows I betrayed the club.’

‘So, how did you get out of Charming?’  It was the one thing that still didn’t make sense to you.  The MC wasn’t sloppy.  If they thought one of their own had flipped, he’d face a mayhem vote and be gunned down before he had a chance to run.  It was just their way, how they protected their own.

‘Gemma.  Sh-she helped me.’

‘Why?  What was in it for her?’

‘She owed me.  I-I lied for her, to Jax and the club.  Shit, Y/N, there’s so many lies in my head, I can’t keep them all straight.’

‘It’s okay, sweetheart.’  You’d heard enough and your mind was reeling. No wonder the poor guy looked so exhausted.  All he’d done was try to help his brothers, and now he was on their hitlist because of it. ‘You don’t have to tell me.’

‘No, I want to.  I need somebody else to know.  I-I can’t carry it anymore.’

You nodded in understanding. ‘Okay.’

‘Gemma, she- she killed Tara, Y/N.  It was brutal, and then I had to shoot Eli, and it all got so messed up.’ His head was in his hands now, and when you couldn’t contain your gasp of shock, he let it fall to the table, his crossed arms hiding his face.

‘Oh my God, Juice.’  You hadn’t even known Jax’s old lady was dead, and at his mother’s hands?  If he found out, it would kill him.  He would self-destruct, you were sure of that. It was obvious that keeping the secret had been killing the man beside you though, and you trailed your fingers down his back, rubbing soothing circles over his spine as he fought to compose himself.  

‘I’m sorry,’ he said finally, raising his head again and slumping back into his seat, rubbing his hand over his eyes to scrub away the traces of his tears.  ‘I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t be putting all this on you.  Fuck, you’re not even a part of it anymore, and I just…’

He ran out of words, falling silent, and you nudged him with your elbow, flashing him a small smile when he met your eyes.  ‘It’s okay. I asked.  I wanted to know, and it sounds like you needed to talk about it.’ When he didn’t respond, you pulled out your phone, noting the late hour, which in turn led to more questions.  ‘Are you here alone, Juice?  Have you got somewhere to stay?’

‘No.’  He sighed.  ‘I mean, yes, I’m here alone, and no, I haven’t got anywhere to go.  Spent the last of my cash on a truck, and that crapped out on me a couple of days ago.’

‘Alright then.’  You didn’t even need to think about it as you climbed to your feet, holding your hand out to the dejected outlaw, and nodding in encouragement when he gave you a questioning look.  ‘I’ve got a place a couple of blocks away.  You’re coming home with me.’

‘No, Y/N, I can’t ask-‘

‘You’re not asking.’  Realising he wasn’t going to move, you leant over the seat and laced your fingers through his, pulling on his arm until he shifted towards you.  ‘I’m offering.  It’ll be nice to have the company, so c’mon, let’s get out of here.’

 

* * *

 

Juice remained silent on the walk home, his backpack clutched in his hand as you towed him along, wittering mindlessly about the stores you passed, the best place to get coffee, the diner on the corner that served good pie.  When you reached your building and climbed the stairs to your apartment, you half expected him to make his excuses and try to leave, but he followed you in without hesitation, obviously realising he was limited on options at this point.  

‘Here we are,’ you announced, flicking on the light and spreading your arms to showcase the tiny space.  ‘Home sweet home.’

It wasn’t much, but it was all you could afford whilst you were still taking classes at college and waitressing part-time to pay your way.  It comprised of exactly two rooms, maybe two and a half if you were feeling generous.  The front door opened up into the living room cum bedroom, a couch stretched along one wall, and a small single bed pushed into the far corner.  The kitchen was housed in an alcove that jutted out from the main area, and a short hallway beside it led to the bathroom.  

‘It’s nice,’ Juice commented, and you supposed it was compared to the back seat of his truck and wherever the hell else he’d been bedding down since he’d been forced to take off.

‘It’ll do for now,’ you agreed. ‘You can dump your stuff wherever. Can I get you a drink or something?’

He shook his head, unzipping his hoody, and setting his bag down beside your bookcase.  ‘No, I’m good, thank you.  I just need sleep, I think.’

‘Okay, well…’  You tailed off as you tried to figure out the sleeping arrangements in your head.  ‘You should take the bed, you look like you could use a good night’s sleep and you’re kinda long for the sofa.’

‘No, I-‘

‘It’s fine, really.’

‘No.’  For the first time, his tone was firm and you almost smiled at the confidence, a flash of the old Juice you’d once known.  ‘It’s bad enough that I’m in here invading your space.  I’m not kicking you out of your bed.’

‘Juice, I-‘

‘The couch is fine.’

‘Alright then.’

You danced around each other as you readied yourself for sleep, you feeling slightly self-conscious as you exited the bathroom in your pyjama shorts and tank top, and Juice’s fingers drifting to the hem of his shirt before he thought better of it and left it on, dropping down onto the couch and accepting the pillow and blanket that you offered to him gratefully.

‘You sure you’re gonna be okay there?’

‘I’m good,’ he assured you, his dark eyes warm and sincere.  ‘Thank you.’

You’d thought you were too wired to sleep, your brain still processing all of Juice’s news, reeling from the shock of finding him in your town, but, when you flicked off the light and crawled into bed, you found yourself focusing on the soft sounds of him breathing a few metres away, and you drifted off feeling, for the first time in a long time, like you weren’t alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Flashing lights flickered over your eyelids, dragging you back to consciousness, and you rubbed a hand over your eyes as you pushed yourself upright, peering over towards the couch.  Juice was sitting with his back turned to you, his eyes focused on the TV which was on but muted, an old comedy rerun playing out on the screen.  You yawned, running your fingers through your hair to ease the knots out, and swung your legs out of bed, padding across the room.  Juice glanced up as you moved, a guilty expression playing over his features.  

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’

‘It’s okay, it doesn’t take much.’  You dropped down beside him, slouching in the seat and stretching your legs out in front of you.  ‘What time is it?’

‘A little after three.’

‘You can’t sleep?’

He shook his head.  ‘Nah.  My head’s too loud tonight.’  You nodded, turning your attention to the TV as one of the characters on screen took a tumble.  You knew if the sound had been turned on, there would be a guffaw of canned laughter from the audience.  Instead, Juice spoke again.  ‘So, how are things with you?  I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask before.’

‘You had other things on your mind.’  You gave him a small smile, before considering how to answer the question, deciding finally to just be honest.  ‘Things are good.  I’m good.  I’m taking some college classes, and I want to get my degree.  I work part time to fund it.  I finally feel like I’m actually doing something with my life, other than just sucking dick.’  He smirked at that and you quirked your eyebrow at him.  ‘It gets kinda lonely though.  I haven’t really met anyone here, not anyone I would choose to spend time with, y’know.  I guess, when you’ve been with SAMCRO, you’re just kinda used to there always being people around.’

‘I know what you mean.  I’m not very good at being alone.’  His face had fallen, his shoulders slumped, as he twisted his ring around his finger.  

‘Me neither, apparently.’  You reached for his hand to still his agitated movements, trying to inject your next words with as much sincerity as possible.  ‘I’m glad you’re here, Juice.’

He bowed his head, not used to simple human kindness after his ordeal, and you let your hand drift up to his hair, stroking over it gently, unaccustomed to seeing the short dark growth covering his head. As if sensing your thoughts, he sighed. ‘Had to let it grow back.  The tattoos are kinda distinctive.’

‘Right.’  You supposed that made sense.  He had to blend in with the crowd now, as much as possible, to try and stay off of the MC’s radar.  ‘I like it.  It’s different.’

A small chuckle escaped him, and you knew he knew you were lying.  You’d always liked the faux hawk, thought it suited him even if it was a little goofy. He was the quiet, shy kid trying to act tough and run with the big boys, and the head tatts and dark strip of hair had made him unique.  

As you trailed your fingers down to the back of his neck, he let out a quiet hum of contentment.  Unlike in the bar when he’d flinched away from physical contact, now he was leaning into your touch, almost cat-like, and you coaxed him down until he was laying with his head in your lap, his eyes heavy with tiredness. ‘C’mere, get some rest, Juicy.’

You felt the tension seep from his body as you traced the hidden lines of ink with your fingertips, his muscles relaxing as he fidgeted for a moment, getting comfortable.  

‘That better?’ you whispered when he finally stilled, but he’d already slipped into sleep.

 

* * *

 

When you woke, sunlight was streaming in through the thin nylon curtains, blinding brightness forcing you to squeeze your eyes shut again, blinking dazedly until they adjusted to the glare.  You were still on the couch, slumped over the arm.  Juice’s head was still in your lap, his face peaceful, his hand resting over yours where it lay on his chest, rising with each breath he took.  You flexed your fingers against his t-shirt as you watched him for a moment, and when he shifted beneath your touch and his eyes snapped open, he greeted you with a bashful smile.  ‘Morning.’

‘Morning.’  

‘What time is it?’  He, like you had, was squinting as his eyes grew accustomed to the harsh lighting, and you reached for the remote, flicking on the TV to check how late you’d slept.

‘Just after ten.’

‘Wow, I don’t even remember the last time I slept this late.’

‘Well, you look better for it,’ you teased, and he eased himself upright, swivelling round to set his feet on the floor.  

‘I feel better for it.’  He stood and stretched, his shirt riding up as he linked his fingers together and pushed his hands towards the ceiling.  ‘So, you busy today?’

‘Nope.’  You turned to lay along the couch, tipping your head back and grinning lazily.  ‘Day off.  I intend to do as little as possible.’

‘Right, well, let me just grab a shower and I’ll get out of your way.’

You raised an eyebrow at him as he grabbed his backpack, rifling through it for a clean set of clothes. ‘You got somewhere to be?’

‘No,’ he admitted, avoiding your eyes as he pulled out a pair of camo trousers and a t-shirt, leaning over you to set them down on the back of the couch.  ‘I just figured, it’s enough that you’re letting me stay here without me getting in your way when you’re trying to… I don’t know, whatever.’  He tailed off, shrugging apologetically.  

You huffed, giving him a stern look, as you rolled to your feet, placing your hands on his shoulders and turning him to face you. ‘Don’t be an idiot.  You didn’t ask me if you could stay, I offered, and I meant what I said last night:  I’m glad you’re here.’

‘I just don’t want to take advantage-‘

‘Stop!’  You slipped your arms around his neck and pulled him against you, resting your head on his shoulder when his hands instinctively came to rest on your waist. ‘I could use the company, honestly.’ He nodded against your hair, and you leant back to look at him, grinning at the resigned expression on his face. ‘So, you’ll stay and hang out with me?’

‘Yeah.’  The side of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile as you hugged him tighter for a second.  ‘Yeah, I guess I can do that.’

‘Great!’  You released him, moving past him towards the bathroom and throwing over your shoulder, ‘I get the first shower though!’

You just heard him laugh before the door clicked closed behind you.

 

* * *

 

You kept the water cool, letting it fully wake you, washing away the stale sweat that had clung to your skin in the heat of the club the night before.  With the clarity of morning, you only partially questioned your decision to ask Juice to stay.  You knew it was a risk – if the club ever found out, your name would join his on their list, and your days would surely be numbered.  The logical part of your brain though pointed out that nobody from the MC had contacted you since you’d said your goodbyes, so they weren’t likely to reach out now.  It wasn’t as though you and Juice had been particularly close.  They had no reason to believe that he’d track you down in his hour of need, so, you figured you were safe for the time being.  And, God, it was nice to not wake up alone, to not be facing another day off spent going insane in your own company.  So many times you’d nearly crawled back to Charming on your knees, only the steady stream of deadlines on your course keeping you where you were, moving forward, building a future, but still…  If you were honest with yourself, you needed Juice as much as he needed you.

When you’d towelled yourself dry, you wrapped the big fluffy sheet around you, taking a tentative step back into the main room and wishing you’d thought to take your clothes into the bathroom with you to change in to.  You weren’t a prude, far from it as several of the Sons could testify, but if you were going to make this new living arrangement work, then you needed to set clear boundaries from the start.

You needn’t have worried though, as the sight that greeted you halted you in your tracks.  Juice had stripped off his shirt and was executing brisk and precise push-ups in the centre of your rug, the muscles in his arms straining under his weight. You knew you were staring as he pushed himself back to his feet, reaching for his discarded shirt and pressing it to his forehead before slinging it around the back of his neck as he shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.  

‘Sorry, thought I’d get a work out in while you were in there.’  Your gaze had drifted south to the tattoos that were inked across his chest and the defined physique of his stomach, and you swallowed hard as you forced your eyes back to his.  ‘It’s been driving me kinda crazy, being cooped up in that truck for so long.’

‘Well, you can’t tell.’  He laughed as your cheeks flushed, and you turned away, moving towards the chest of drawers where your clothes were neatly folded.  You were suddenly very aware of how short the towel was, dancing around the tops of your thighs, and how hot it was in the apartment as Juice approached, his hand ghosting over your back as he came up beside you.  

‘You got a towel I can borrow?’

‘Sure.’  You stepped back, sucking in a deep breath as you put some distance between you again, and headed for the small closet opposite the bathroom.  ‘In here.  Top shelf.’

‘Thanks.’

Your breath caught in your throat as he stretched up to retrieve a bundle of cotton from the top of the pile, every inch of his body taut and tanned.  You’d never tangled with Juice, back when you were the MC’s willing plaything.  He’d never engaged your services, and you’d never given it much thought, but now you found yourself wondering what it would be like to wrap yourself around him, to lose yourself in him and let him work out his frustrations and fears.  It had been a long time since you’d been with anyone, since the last night Tig had lured you into his bed, and a pang of longing hit you as you watched Juice slip into the bathroom.  

You leant back against the wall, fisting your hair in your hands as you tried to calm your racing pulse, scolding yourself for your lack of control. Getting a schoolgirl crush on Juice was not a good idea, and yet you could see how easily it could happen.  It wasn’t just the physical attraction, although God knows that was currently knocking you for six.  It was his nature – kind and funny and sweet.  You knew if you let yourself, lonely and touch-starved as you were, you could fall for this adorable, broken, gorgeous man, and then you’d really be in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

You fell into an easy routine with Juice over the next few weeks.  The Puerto Rican was a better housemate than you could’ve imagined, his OCD meaning that the place was kept clean and tidy at all times, and his presence and light conversation made the apartment seem less oppressive than it had done when you were its sole occupant.  For the first few days, he’d continued to make noises about moving on, finding his own place or just leaving town for good, but your murmured assurances finally sunk in, and he allowed himself to settle, though you knew the hours spent alone whilst you were out at work or attending classes were getting to him.  For his part, he’d tried to find a job, something to bring in some money and occupy his time, but there wasn’t anything around, so he was still spending most days either walking the streets or holed up inside with just the TV for company.

When you’d found one of the kids from the apartment across the hall lugging a box full of old games downstairs to the trash along with a battered console that had seen better days, you’d dug into your purse for a few dollar bills and taken it off his hands, presenting it to Juice who shook his head at the aged offering.

‘They were just gonna throw it out, can you believe that?’  You were rummaging through the game cartridges, giggling when you saw a few you remembered playing as a kid.  The unimpressed outlaw reached for a controller which promptly fell to pieces at his touch, and he raised an eyebrow at you as his mouth quirked up in a wry smile.

‘Yeah, I totally can.’

‘Okay, I know it’s not exactly modern technology, but I’m on a limited budget here and I remembered you used to like gaming, so I thought…’

A look of understanding crossed his face, and he nodded slowly as he picked up the console and flipped it over, brushing off the dust as he studied how to get in to the inner workings.  ‘You thought I could fix it up.’

‘Yeah.’  You nudged him with your hip, and he glanced up at you.  This time his smile was less amused and more grateful.  ‘You think you can?’

‘I’ll give it a try.’

After that, your evenings were spent sitting side by side on the couch, getting overly competitive playing old-school games like Tekken and Mario, and giggling at the pixelated graphics.  To your surprise, Juice could cook, and you’d eat as you played, discussing your days between mouthfuls, until you fell into bed exhausted but content, listening for the soft snoring to start up from across the room before your own eyes drifted closed.

 

* * *

 

The end of the semester was coming up, and your days off were spent working on assignments, curled up on your bed with your laptop on your knee and a mountain of textbooks piled up beside you.  Usually on those days you would have ordered takeaway, if you’d remembered to eat at all, but, with Juice there, you were brought coffee and snacks at regular intervals, before he’d back away and leave you to your work.  Every so often, you’d glance up and find his eyes on you, a small smile on his face as he watched you concentrate, your tongue poking out from one corner of your mouth as you typed.  

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’

‘You’re making me self-conscious.  Do I look like a total nerd?’

‘Yeah.’  He cocked his head to one side as he watched you run your fingers through your hair and move your computer to one side so you could slide from the bed and pad your way over to him.  ‘It’s kinda cute though.’

‘Shut up.’  You dropped down beside him and slumped against him, reaching over to snag the bottle of beer he’d placed on the floor at his feet and taking a long drink.  ‘Man, I needed that.’

‘You done for the day?’

‘I think so.’  The sky outside your window was darkening, throwing the apartment into gloom, and your neck felt stiff, your head aching from too long staring at your essay.  ‘I’m not gonna sleep if I don’t stop now, and I’ve got work tomorrow.’

He watched you twisting your head from side to side and reached for you, wrapping an arm around your waist and manoeuvring you to the floor, positioning you between his knees.  ‘C’mere.’  His hands rubbed over your shoulders before his fingers found the knots at the top of your spine and went to work on them, kneading them gently and eliciting a soft moan of relief from you.   ‘That helping?’

‘Mmhmm.’

‘Good.’  He worked in silence for a while longer, and you wrapped an arm around his leg, letting your head loll against his knee as your body relaxed at his touch.  ‘You working all day tomorrow?’

‘Yep.’

‘That sucks.’

‘You have no idea.’ You sighed loudly, and the massaging hands stilled, waiting for you to continue.  Juice knew you didn’t like your job, you found it monotonous and exhausting, but he’d never heard you sound quite so disheartened before. Truth be told, you’d been struggling for a couple of weeks now, but you hadn’t wanted to worry him.  ‘We’ve got this new manager, and he’s kind of a dick.’

‘A dick how?’  Juice’s brow was creased with concern when you turned round to look at him.  ‘What’s he done, Y/N?’

‘He just…’  You took a deep breath in anticipation of the reaction you were about to provoke.  ‘He keeps making suggestive comments, trying to get me on my own away from the rest of the girls.  It’s just kinda uncomfortable, I guess.  I know it sounds stupid, with my past and all, but it makes me feel dirty.’

‘Has he touched you?’

‘He’s grabbed my ass a couple of times, but that’s as far as it’s gone.’  You scoffed at yourself as you shook your head.  ‘God, if the guys could hear me now.  A sweet butt moaning about having her butt grabbed-‘

‘You’re not a sweet butt anymore.’  Juice’s hand had slipped under your chin, forcing your face up to meet his eyes. ‘You don’t deserve to be treated like that.’

‘I don’t know what to do, Juice.’

‘You want me to come in? Talk to him?’

‘No.’  You pulled yourself out of his grasp, climbing to your feet and busying yourself with tidying away your books.  ‘No, that’ll just make it worse.  I need this job.’

‘But, Y/N-‘

‘It’s fine.’ Depositing the books in a pile at the bottom of your bookcase, you plastered a false smile onto your face as you turned back to him, wishing you hadn’t mentioned it.  You’d just needed to get it off your chest, in case things got worse.  ‘It’s nothing, really.  Just forget I said anything, okay?’

‘I’m not sure I can do that.’

‘You can.’  When he stood and came towards you, you stepped into his embrace and cupped his cheek in your hand, letting your finger rub over his smooth skin.  ‘Honestly, I can handle it.  It just bugs me a little.  I’ll be alright.’

‘I hate the thought of anyone touching you.’

‘I know.’  His hands were smoothing over your back, and you buried your face in his shoulder as you felt yourself flush.  You knew Juice had a protective side, all of the Sons were the same with their family, but the possessive edge to his tone woke the butterflies in your stomach.  His eyes were dark when you finally pulled away and you could have lost yourself in them, were it not for the pesky voice in your head reminding you how complicated that could make things.  You were rubbing along well together, both drawing comfort from the companionship the other offered, but to add anything deeper into the mix…  You weren’t sure you were ready for that.  ‘C’mon, let’s start dinner.  I’m starving.’

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later, you announced your arrival back at the apartment by slamming the door so hard that it sent vibrations through the floor.  Juice, stretched out on the couch with the controller in his hands, abandoned his game immediately as you stalked into the room, throwing your bag to the floor and ripping the apron from around your waist.  ‘Goddammit!’  

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’  He had levered himself upright and was approaching you cautiously, his hands held out in front of him as though he were approaching a wild animal.  

‘They fired me!’  You watched the colour drain from his face as you paced back and forth in front of him, shrugging him off when he reached for you. ‘They actually freakin’ fired me, can you believe that?’

‘What happened?’  

‘That asshole manager, the one I told you about.’  You paused until he nodded in understanding, before continuing.  ‘He had me pretty much pinned against the counter and his hands were just- they were everywhere, so I shoved him away, except he went straight into a customer, and she fell, and it was just a total shitshow.’  

You sank onto the bed with your face in your hands, reliving the scene as it had played out.  You could feel his clammy paw creeping up your thigh, his breath hot against your face, and the way your fingers sunk in to the paunch of his stomach as you pushed him roughly away.  He had careered backwards into an elderly lady that was making her way back from the bathroom, sending her crashing into the wall with a gasp of shock, before she’d crumpled to the ground, winded.  He’d turned on you then, his face red with rage, and prodded a meaty finger into your chest.  ‘You!  Out!  Now!  I don’t want to see you in here again, you understand?’

You’d tried to argue, but all you’d succeeded in doing was fuelling his fury, and in the end you’d had no choice but to collect your things and go.

‘So, now I have no job, and no money coming in, and next semester’s tuition is gonna be due in a few weeks, plus the rent on this place.’  You sighed as Juice perched on the mattress beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.  ‘I mean, I have some savings, but they’re not gonna last long.’

‘Hey, it’s okay.’  His hand was tangled in your hair, stroking it back from your face as the tears began to fall, your anger turning to misery as you realised the hopelessness of your situation.  ‘We’ll figure something out.  One of us will find work, okay?’

‘How?  You’ve been looking for weeks and nothing’s come up!’

‘So maybe we need to think outside the box.’  He shrugged.  ‘But we’re in this together.  We’ll get through it together.’

You nodded into the crook of his neck, nuzzling against his warm skin, the front of his t-shirt bunched in your fist as you held on to him like a lifeline.  His words did little to comfort you, but his presence was calming, the knowledge that you weren’t in this situation alone allowing you to breathe a little easier, and when he pulled back and told you to go take a shower while he got dinner ready, you nodded and did as you were told, happy to let someone else take control for a little while.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, you lay in bed, running over all of the bills that needed paying, doing calculations in your mind to try and find a way to stretch the little money you had in your bank account out to cover as many of them as possible.  No matter how much you tried to shut your brain down, it returned to that balance, the cost of existing, and you found yourself tossing and turning, as the worry ate away at you.

‘You awake over there?’

Juice’s voice came from the darkness, tearing your thoughts away from your new reality, and you nodded, before realising he couldn’t see you.  ‘Yeah.’

‘Thought so.  Can hear you thinking.’

‘That doesn’t even make sense, Juicy.’

You heard him let out a low chuckle before his tone turned serious once more.  ‘Is there anything I can do, Y/N?’

‘Get over here.’  You spoke before you could overthink things and stop yourself, shuffling over to one side of the narrow bed and pulling back the duvet as you heard the creak of the couch and his footsteps getting closer. The mattress dipped as he crawled in beside you, turning to face you as you pulled the cover back up.  His hand rested tentatively on your hip, moving to wrap around your waist as you shifted closer, curling into him and burying your face in his chest, inhaling the musky scent of leather that he seemed to carry, even without his kutte.  

For a long time, he just held you, the steady thrum of his heartbeat in his chest drowning out the fears in your head as his hand stroked over your back, rubbing soothing circles against the thin material of your tank top.

‘Will you sleep here tonight?’  Your voice was barely a whisper as you felt him turn onto his back, though he kept a tight hold on you, pulling you into his side.  

‘Well, it’s comfier than the couch,’ he teased, and you giggled quietly as your hand found its place over his heart.  ‘Get some sleep, Y/N.  I got you.’


	4. Chapter 4

You scuffed your feet as you strolled along the streetlit sidewalk, your bag weighing heavy on your arm.  You’d spent most of the afternoon in the library, finishing up your last essay of the school year, before turning your attention to job listings online and submitting your sparse resume several times over.  You’d already had two rejection emails when you decided to give it up and head home, resigning yourself to another week with no income.  Your savings were dwindling, and, if you didn’t get something sorted soon, you and Juice would both be homeless.

You climbed the stairs to your apartment, letting yourself in and cursing loudly when you stumbled over a bulky black holdall immediately behind the door.  You kicked out at it as you rubbed your ankle.  ‘Juice!’

‘Oh, hey.’  He appeared from the direction of the bathroom, rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze flicked between you and the bag, an uncomfortable tension emanating from him.  ‘Thought you said you were gonna be back late?’

‘It is late.’  You waved your phone in his face, the display lit to show the clock in the centre of the screen, smirking at him as he nodded slowly.

‘Right.’

‘What’s going on?’ you asked, suddenly suspicious at his odd behaviour.  ‘You going somewhere?’  Again his gaze drifted to the bag, and you fell to your knees, unzipping it and rifling through while he stood over you with his hands on the back of his head.  You weren’t sure what you’d been expecting, but the hefty boltcutters, handguns and spray paint caused your stomach to knot and you glared up at him as he avoided your eyes.  ‘What the hell is this?’

Sighing loudly, he bent to capture your wrist in his large hand, yanking you upright so he could speak to you face to face.  ‘Okay, so, you know I said we needed to think outside the box, about finding work.  Well, I tried to do that - gave up on looking for bar work and mechanics and decided to ask around, see if anyone needed any security systems hooked up.  I did it for T.M., Cara Cara, Diosa…’

‘Yeah, I remember.’

‘Right, but it turns out this is a pretty safe town, crime rate’s like non-existent, and no one thinks they need security in place.’  He fell silent, waiting for you to catch up with his thoughts, and it finally dawned on you as you glanced back at the bag of chaos on the floor.

‘So, you’re going to break in, make them realise that some cameras and a few alarms might be a decent investment.’

He shot you a small smile, trying to read your reaction as you processed what it was he was proposing to do.  ‘I know, it’s not exactly a straight-up way to earn, but-’

‘We’re desperate, I know.’

‘I hit one place, Y/N, and word gets around, half the businesses in town could reach out for a little help.’

You could see the concern in his eyes, along with a determination that you knew you wouldn’t be able to fight.  If you knew anything about this man, he’d probably been planning it for days, waiting until you were out of the house so he could sneak out without involving you.  Well, you weren’t about to let that happen.  He was doing this for you, for the both of you, so he wasn’t going to do it alone.

‘Give me a minute to change,’ you instructed, scooping up your own bag and carrying it to the bed.

‘What?  No, Y/N, you’re not coming.’

‘You’re not going without me, Juice.’

‘If something happens-’

‘You’re gonna need back-up, right?’

‘Yeah, but-’

‘So, I’m going with you.’  You rummaged in the top drawer of your dresser and drew out a black sweatshirt and a pair of dark jeans, waving your hand at him when you turned back to find him staring at you in disbelief.  ‘Now, turn around, you big perv.’

 

* * *

 

Your heart was racing as you crouched beside the fence, a baseball cap pulled down low over your face as Juice scanned the garage forecourt with an expert eye.  ‘See anything?’

‘No.’  He reached out to rest a hand on your knee, and you allowed the warmth of his touch to steady you and calm your nerves.  ‘It’s go time.  You ready for this?’

‘As I’ll ever be.’

‘Alright then.’  He retrieved the boltcutters from the bag at his side, and went to work on the fence, forming a hole just big enough for you to squeeze through.  ‘You know where you’re going?’

‘That’s the office over there, right?’  You pointed towards a long building in the opposite corner of the yard, its windows dark, the workers long gone for the day.

‘That’s it.’

‘I’ll be right back.’

You crept across the yard, staying low and moving fast as he’d told you, hugging the edges of the buildings once you reached the shadows that they threw over the tarmac.  Juice had given you a handgun with a silencer, which you used now to shoot out the lock on the door that would allow you access into the main office.  He was right: it was a flimsy lock, and as you shoved it open, you thought you would have probably been able to kick it down and saved the bullet.

You pulled a torch from your back pocket and flicked it on, scanning the room you found yourself in.  You were looking for the key to the main gate.  It made sense that a copy would be kept in here, though where you weren’t sure.

As you made your way to the back of the room, a small cabinet mounted on the wall behind one of the desks caught your eye, and you stood on tiptoe to reach for the latch, unhooking it and letting the door swing open.  Rows of keys lined the inside, glinting in the beam of your torch as you studied them.  Most of them looked like car keys, but the ones at the bottom were less chunky, without the plastic covering, and you ran your finger along the labels until you found the one you were searching for.  Gotcha.

Juice was smiling when you let him in, clapping you on the back as he nodded in approval.  ‘Alright!  Now, the fun starts!’

He pulled out a can of spray paint from his pocket, having stashed the bag in a bush outside, and took the gun that was still clutched between your fingers.  ‘Which do you want?’

‘The paint.’

He nodded, raising his eyebrow at you as he tossed you the can.  ‘Thought so.  Don’t make it too pretty, okay?  Remember we’re supposed to be vandalising shit.’

‘You got it, boss.’

 

* * *

 

You woke the next day to the sound of the high-pitched trill of Juice’s phone.  It went against all of his best instincts to have a fixed number, but he knew it was necessary if he wanted to find work, so he’d finally been forced to cave on the issue.  The outlaw was still sleeping heavily beside you, one arm wrapped around your waist holding you close to him, the other tucked under his head.  After the night you’d invited him into your bed, he’d never returned to the couch, curling up with you on the narrow mattress, his body pressed flush against yours in the small space.  At first, it had felt strangely intimate, every touch raising goosebumps over your skin as you fought against your growing attraction, but now you thought you’d struggle to sleep without him by your side.

‘Hey.’  You nudged him gently with your elbow, before easing yourself on to your side to face him and letting your fingers dance over his ribs, tickling him through his t-shirt.  ‘Juicy, your phone’s ringing.’

‘Huh?’  He finally stirred, blinking blearily at you as he registered your words. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Phone.’

The persistent ringtone finally penetrated his consciousness, and he cursed as he fumbled on the bedside table for his cell, swinging his legs out of bed and levering himself upright.  He paced as he talked, avoiding your questioning gaze as you propped yourself up on the pillows and watched.

‘Hello…  Yeah, you got him…  What?  Man, I’m sorry to hear that…  No, I’m available, not a problem…  This afternoon?  Sure, around two?… Sweet, I’ll see you then.’

He disconnected the call, rubbing a hand over his head as he turned to you, a radiant grin stretching from cheek to cheek.  ‘It worked!’

‘It did?  That was the garage?’

‘Yep, turns out a group of kids broke in last night and trashed the place.  Manager’s thinking of getting some cameras installed as a deterrent, stop it happening again.  Maybe an alarm too, but he’ll take my advice on that.’

‘A group of kids, huh?’

‘Yeah, apparently someone saw a bunch of ‘em taking off on pushbikes.’  You raised an eyebrow at that and he snorted with laughter.  ‘Hey, I’m not gonna argue.  It’s work, Y/N, paid work.  We’re gonna be okay.’

As his words sunk in, all of the stress that had been weighing you down for the past few weeks began to fade away, and you scrambled out of the bed and into his arms.  You could feel all of the tension leaving your body as you found yourself enclosed in the strong muscles, his hold tightening as he lifted you off the ground, eliciting a squeal of surprise from you as you clung on to him.  ‘Juice!’

He was laughing as he set you down, and you moved your hands to cup his face, smoothing over the corners of his devastating smile with your fingertips as it grew bigger.  You pushed yourself up on tiptoes to brush your lips over his cheek, a gasp escaping you when he turned his head at the last second, capturing your mouth with his in a searing kiss that took your breath away.

His fingers tangled in your hair, anchoring you in place as he kissed you, playing havoc with your senses as his teeth scraped over your bottom lip.  You found yourself clutching at his t-shirt, drawing him closer, unable to do anything except revel in the feelings that he was awakening.  A small voice in the back of your head was screaming in disbelief!   _Juice!  You’re kissing Juice!  You remember him prospecting, the way he used to follow the other guys, timid and on edge, jumping every time Clay barked an order at him._

But there was nothing timid about the way his mouth was moving on yours now, dominant and demanding, his arm slipping to your waist as he felt you sag against him, holding you close.

When he finally broke away, he was panting hard, his eyes dark as he watched you for a reaction, but you were too stunned to do anything but gaze at him, relinquishing your grip on his shirt to trail your fingers over his chest.

‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured finally, casting his eyes downwards, only to meet your own again as you giggled breathlessly.

‘Oh no, you can’t kiss me like that, then apologise.’

His rough chuckle mingled with your own, as he bent to lean his forehead against yours.  ‘Sorry.’

‘Juice!’

‘Alright, alright.’  You saw him swallow hard, his expression growing serious, his gaze intense.  ‘I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.  I just didn’t want to complicate things.’

‘I know.’  You nodded, trying to regain some sort of logical thought, still reeling from the unexpectedness of the situation you now found yourself in.  ‘I mean, I think, if we take it slow, we’ll be okay, right?’  Even as you spoke, your hands had slid beneath his shirt, mapping the defined muscles of his stomach, his skin hot beneath your touch.

‘Right, slow.’  His fingers were biting into your hips, his teeth biting on his bottom lip, and you couldn’t help but grin at the effect you were having on him.  ‘We can do slow.’

‘I just… I love having you here and I think it works well, and I don’t want to ruin it by just jumping into bed straight away, y’know.  We should just see how it goes, let things happen at their own pace.’

‘Uh huh.’  His hands wrapped around your wrists, stilling your feather-light exploration of his body.  ‘I might just need a minute then.  You gotta stop teasing me.’

You smirked.  ‘Seriously?  Dude, you work out shirtless like every damn day.’

His jaw dropped, though you caught the devilish twinkle in his eye before it snapped shut again, and he scoffed at you.  ‘Knew you’d been checking me out.’

You both fell silent as you took a step back, unsure what to do now that a line had been crossed.  A part of you was cursing yourself for insisting that you needed to wait before going any further, though a bigger part knew it was the right thing.  Falling into bed with a Son didn’t get you anywhere – your years as a sweet butt had taught you that – and although Juice was different, you still knew better than to rush into things.  His companionship had become vital to your existence, having him there to come home to, to wake up with, and if something went wrong because you moved too fast, you would never forgive yourself.

Finally, you spoke, your voice husky, as you twisted your hands together.  ‘So, if I’m not allowed to tease, does that mean I can’t kiss you again?’  Every cell in your body was straining towards him, and it was taking all of your self control to maintain the few inches of distance between you.

Before he could answer, his phone rang again, and he glanced down at it, torn, knowing it could be more work coming his way.  ‘Hold that thought?’

You nodded, and he pressed a short, sharp kiss to your lips, before turning away to take the call, leaving you tingling with anticipation.


	5. Chapter 5

Juice tasted like coffee as his lips brushed over yours, waking you gently.   You’d barely seen him the previous day as he’d done the rounds of local businesses, getting paperwork in place guaranteeing that he’d provide their security systems, and dropping in to chat to others that hadn’t reached out.  You were proud of him, glad that his scheme had worked even if it was less than legit, and it was a relief to know that money would be coming in soon, but you wished the timing had been different.  That first kiss had replayed in your head the whole time he’d been gone, the sensation of his mouth moving on yours, the way he’d melted into you, his grip biting as he satisfied the need that had been building in both of you.  When he’d finally returned, clutching a bag containing dinner from the deli down the road, you’d met him at the door, backing him against the wall so you could fist his shirt and drag his mouth down to yours.  

His initial surprise had given way to affectionate amusement when you finally broke away, breathing heavily, his eyes sparkling as he grinned down at you.  ‘Can I take it you missed me then?’

‘All day,’ you’d admitted, wrapping your arms around his neck.  

‘We still taking things slow?’  You’d known he was teasing you, as he backed you across the room towards the bed, letting the paper bag drop to the floor as he went.  

‘I think it’s best.’

‘You sure about that?’

The back of your knees collided with the mattress, and he’d guided you down onto the narrow bunk, climbing between your legs and lowering himself down on top of you.  ‘I’m pretty sure.’

‘Alright then.’

He’d kissed you for hours, his weight pressing down on you as he skimmed his hands over your body, teasing, tempting, working you up into a frenzy as he pulled you in deeper, chuckling when you pushed him to one side so you could curl against him and regain some control.  At some point, you’d broken apart long enough to eat the dinner he’d brought home for you, but as soon as you’d finished, he’d pulled you into his arms again.

Now, as the corners of your mouth quirked up in a smile, his hand crept over your stomach, his voice soft in your ear as he whispered, ‘Good morning.’

You hummed contentedly as you gazed up into his dark eyes, rubbing your thumb across his bottom lip and wondering if your own looked as puffy and kiss-bruised.  ‘I could get used to waking up like this.’

‘Yeah?’  At your nod, he grinned, stroking the hair back from your face.  ‘God, it’s been so hard sleeping right next to you and not being able to touch you.’

‘So, why didn’t you?’  You knew you’d been trying to push down your feelings, to ignore the attraction between you, but it hadn’t even occurred to you that Juice might be doing the same.  After all, that MC mentality was hard to shift, and, when it came to women, they pretty much took what they wanted as long as the girl was up for it.

‘I didn’t want you to think I was trying to take advantage,’ he explained with a shrug.  ‘I mean, you walked away from the whole sweet butt lifestyle, and I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to drag you back to that.’

‘You have to be a Son to get a sweet butt, Juicy.’  You saw the pain that flickered across his face at your words and instantly regretted them, shooting him an apologetic smile.  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound-’

‘It’s okay.  You’re right.’

‘I just meant that this is different.  I actually like you because of who you are, not what you are.  You were never like them, Juice, you were kinder, sweeter.  I never saw you treating the girls like some of them did.’

‘Not really my scene.’

‘Exactly.’  You rolled on to your side and trailed your hand over his chest, gripping on to his tank top to pull him closer.  ‘Anyway, sweet butts don’t fall for their conquests.’

‘Does that mean you’re falling for me?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Good.’

‘So, you got time to come back to bed for a while?’  You knew he had more appointments to attend, but you hated the thought of him leaving, wishing you could spend all day the way you’d spent the previous evening, wrapped around each other, drinking each other in.  You saw him check his watch, and you sank back into the bed, pouting pathetically when he shook his head.

‘I’m sorry, baby.  I gotta shower and get going.’

‘Fine, I guess.’

He pushed himself up from the mattress, reaching for your hands and pulling you upright so you were kneeling before him, a devilish smile painting over his features.  ‘You know, if we weren’t taking things slow, you could always join me.’

You knew he could see the lust in your eyes as you leant into him, letting the idea roll around your head, imagining how good it would be to press yourself up against him under the stream of water, but you quickly shut it down.  It didn’t matter how needy you felt, how much you wanted him, you knew you were taking it slow for a reason, and it still felt like the right thing to do.  You couldn’t risk messing this up.  ‘Go shower.  Just don’t use all the hot water.’

He nodded, and you knew he understood, though you still chucked a pillow at his retreating back as he threw over his shoulder, ‘I’m not making any promises.’

 

* * *

 

It felt weird lazing on the couch and watching Juice get ready to go out to work.  It was a role reversal that you weren’t sure you were entirely comfortable with, but, at the same time, there wasn’t an awful lot you could do about it.  You supposed the apartment was as much his place as it was yours now, so it made sense that he’d want to step up and pay his way now he had the chance to do it. 

‘You gonna be late tonight?’ you asked as he shrugged on a hoody and shouldered his backpack.

‘Shouldn’t be.  Kinda depends if there are any hitches when I’m getting the kit set up.’  He saw your face fall, and recognised that reluctance to spend all day alone in the flat.  He knew that feeling well.  ‘I’m supposed to be dropping by the garage at four to hook up a few cameras.  Wanna come by about half five and we can go grab something to eat when I’m done?’

‘Look at you splashing your cash around,’ you teased, pushing yourself to your feet so you could kiss him goodbye, his mouth lingering on yours just long enough to leave you breathless.  ‘I’ll be there.’

He made to leave, stopping to turn back to you, and press another hot kiss to your lips.  ‘Try not to miss me too much.’

‘Get out of here.’

 

* * *

 

You were a little early to the garage, having been unable to take another minute at home alone.  You’d spent a lazy day watching TV and playing video games, searching for any tips or cheats that might actually let you beat Juice once in a while, but, after a few hours, you’d started to go a little stir crazy.  You used to spend every free day you had up in your apartment alone, but now you realised how dependent you’d become on the Puerto Rican’s presence to keep you sane.  You’d finally decided to take a long, hot shower, standing under the cascade of water until it turned cold, and only then climbing out and wrapping yourself in a towel.  You’d forgone make-up, running a brush through your hair and slipping on a pair of ripped-up jeans and a strappy top.  As you zipped up your boots, you’d realised it was still too early to leave, but you couldn’t take another moment of isolation, so you’d slipped out anyway, stopping for a coffee as you meandered towards the meeting place.

As you approached, you could see Juice at the top of a ladder leaning against the office building.  His t-shirt was sticking to him as he worked, the muscles in his back shifting as he adjusted the camera he’d just installed, and you swallowed hard as you crossed the forecourt, raising your hand to wave when he noticed you and a beaming smile spread over his face.

‘You’re early.’  He climbed down to greet you, wiping the sweat from his forehead before sliding a hand to the back of your neck and pulling you in for a greedy kiss.

You shrugged.  ‘Got bored.  Where is everyone?’  The garage looked empty, the shutters pulled down on the workshop, and Juice raised an eyebrow at you.

‘Shut up early for the day.  Apparently there’s a game on or something.  The owner left me the keys, told me to lock up when I’m done.’

‘Well, that’s-’

‘Real security conscious, I know.  But apparently, I seem like a straight-up guy!’

You scoffed at that, remembering the last time you’d been stood within the business’ fences, spraying mindless graffiti on the walls and shooting out the windows, determined to make a point.  'Well, obviously.’

‘Hey, as long as I’m getting paid, I’m not going to argue.’

You nodded, running your hands over his chest and noticing how his tattoos stood out through his white t-shirt as it clung to his frame.  'You got much left to do here?’

He pulled a face, glancing up at the camera he’d just been working on.  'It took a while to decide where those were gonna go.  Bit of a disagreement between the owners.  Honestly, I reckon one of 'em’s dirty, but I’m keeping out of it.  Means I’m probably gonna be another half hour or so getting it all set up though.’  Seeing your smile fall from your face, he pressed his lips to your cheek.  'My laptop’s inside if you wanna entertain yourself.’

'Can I bring it out here and watch?’  Your fingers bit into the tight muscles of his arms as you bit your lip, and he chuckled.

'Might be kinda distracting.’

'I hope so.’  You winked at him as you stepped back, turning and heading into the office, smiling at the knowledge that his eyes were glued to the sway of your hips as you walked away.

 

* * *

 

As Juice got back to work, you settled yourself on the floor in the middle of the yard with the laptop balanced on your crossed legs, alternating between checking out local job vacancies, messing around on an online game, and checking out your man - you figured he was your man now - as he fiddled with wires and adjusted camera angles, disappearing inside at regular intervals to check out the view on the main monitor.  You found you liked to watch him deep in concentration, his brow furrowed as he sought to get everything working as he wanted it to, his long fingers deftly delving into the inner workings of the technology, fixing glitches as he went.  It was perhaps the first time that you’d really appreciated his intelligence.  You knew he’d been responsible for a lot of the IT and security at T.M., but you’d never really understood what it took to get a system like that set up.  Now, all you could think was that your man was smart and strong, and you found that you were smiling to yourself as he began to pack away his kit.

‘What are you grinning at over there?’

‘Nothing.’  Your cheeks flushed as he gave you a knowing look.  ‘Just happy, that’s all.’

‘Is that right?’

‘Uh huh.’  You snapped the laptop shut, holding it up to him so he could slip it into his bag before raising your arms, waiting for him to take your hands and haul you upright.  ‘I like watching you work.’

‘I figured you’d get bored.’

‘Oh, no.’  You wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing sloppy kisses up his neck before whispering in his ear, ‘You’re kinda sexy when you’re in full-on geek mode.’

‘Funny how you never think that when I’m kicking your ass at Mario, huh?’

‘That’s different.  I mean intelligent geeky, not overly competitive geeky.’

‘Whatever.  You think I’m sexy.’  He bent his head to ghost his lips over yours, teasing you with barely there kisses until you growled and pulled him closer.  

‘Maybe.’

‘You want me.’

‘Maybe.’

‘But we’re still taking things slow?’

You narrowed your eyes at him as he smirked at you, pushing him away.  ‘Stop making this so hard!’

‘Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?’

You giggled as you shook your head, covering your burning face with your hands, trying to regain your composure.  It didn’t take much for him to get you completely worked up, and his close proximity and suggestive comments had your pulse racing.

‘Juice,’ you began, but he wasn’t listening anymore, his eyes fixed on something over your shoulder, the colour draining from his face as he reached out and wrapped a hand around your wrist, dragging you after him as he hurried towards the office.  You stumbled in your effort to keep up with his long strides, almost colliding with him when he stooped to grab his bag.  The door to the long building was still open, and he shoved you inside ahead of him, pulling it closed and locking it behind you.  ‘Juice, what the hell?’

He was peering out of the window, using two fingers to hold the slats of the blinds apart so he could watch the yard, his eyes scanning the street outside the gate.  ‘Shit.’

‘What the hell was that?  What just happened?’

‘I don’t know.  There were guys in kuttes…’

‘What?  Were they reapers?’

‘I don’t…’  He was only half listening, his attention still focused outside, and you could feel the tension emanating from him.

‘Juice, focus.  Were they reapers?’

He finally turned back to you, running his hands over his head as he began to pace back and forth.  ‘I don’t know.  Couldn’t tell.  They were too far away.  Shit.  What if they’ve found me?  What if they’ve seen me with you?  They’ll know you’ve been helping me.  Fuck, I could’ve led them right to you.’  His dark eyes were wide with panic as he froze on the spot, reeling from the damage he might have caused.  You were right there with him, knowing that, if the Sons had caught up to him and found that you’d offered him safe haven even once he’d confessed his sins, they’d kill you both.  You knew they claimed that they didn’t hurt women, but that rule seemed to be relaxing even back in your days with the MC, and, from what Juice had told you, things had only got worse since then.  

‘Juice, you need to calm down.  We need to deal with this.’

‘I-I can’t… How did they find me?  I’ve been so careful.’  His hand dropped to the pocket of his hoody, and he shook his head as he withdrew his work phone, the first fixed number he’d had since he left Charming.  ‘Fuck.’  With a flick of his wrist he sent the small black object flying across the room where it shattered against a filing cabinet and fell to the floor.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, to be strong for him.  He’d slumped onto the edge of a desk, his head in his hands and you edged towards him, reaching out to stroke your fingers over his face, sliding them under his chin so you could force his head up to meet your eyes.  ‘What do we do, Juice?  Talk to me.  Tell me what to do.’

His expression was hopeless, helpless, and for the first time since you’d taken him home with you, you saw the broken man that you’d found in the bar.  ‘I-I don’t know.’


	6. Chapter 6

Darkness had fallen by the time Juice had settled down enough to even consider heading home.  You’d spent the past few hours curled up beside him as he sat against the wall in the corner of the room, his muscles tensed, his mouth set in a grim line.  He was too lost in his own head to engage in conversation and, when you brushed your fingers over his cheek, he barely glanced at you before slipping back into his trance-like state.  You’d never seen him so afraid before and that in itself put you on edge so that, by the time he zipped you in to his oversized sweatshirt and pulled the hood down low over your face, you were gritting your teeth and jumping at every noise.

‘Stay ahead of me, okay?’ he instructed as he secured the office door, tucking the keys into his pocket.  'I’ll be right behind you.’

'But, why?’  The thought of walking home without him by your side only increased your discomfort, but he was insistent.

'If I get jumped, I don’t want them to know you’re with me.  If anything happens, you just keep walking, you hear me?’

'Juice, I can’t just-’

'You wanna go home, you’ll do as I say!’  He had a dangerous edge to his voice, though you knew it was driven by desperation more than anger.  'Just stay in front of me and don’t stop until you get to the apartment. There are guns stored in a bag at the back of the closet.’

'Wha-’

'Let’s go!’

He gave you a gentle push towards the gate and you followed through on the momentum, forcing yourself to put one foot in front of the other as you slipped out of the yard and started along the sidewalk.  You could hear his footsteps behind you, heavy and constant, his pace matching yours as he kept the space between you consistent, not getting near enough that anyone might think you were connected, but not falling far enough behind to leave you vulnerable should the MC figure out who you were.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, your body starting to shake despite the warmth of the night, sure that at any moment you’d hear the roar of motorcycles approaching and the deafening rattle of gunfire, but it never came.  The only noise drifted out of the bars that lined the street, muffled music and easy laughter, life going on as normal though you felt yours had just changed completely.

You could feel eyes on you, burning into your back, and, though you knew it was only Juice watching over you, you couldn’t help but continuously glance behind you, looking for any sign of danger approaching.  After the first several times, you saw the Puerto Rican give an almost imperceptible shake of his head, and you quickly turned away, keeping your eyes on the path ahead.

As soon as you burst through the door of your apartment, you sank to the floor, a nervous wreck as you twisted your hands together and listened for Juice’s heavy tread climbing the stairs.  When he appeared in the doorway, you reached out a hand to him, and he pushed the door closed, sliding the lock and chain into place before dropping down beside you and pulling you into his lap.  'You’re okay, baby.  You’re safe now.  I got you.’

It was as if the walk home, watching over you and seeing the physical manifestations of your fear, had forced him to pull himself together, and it was a stronger, more stable Juice that cradled you against his chest, rocking you gently as he tried to calm you.

'I’m sorry,’ you murmured eventually, burying your face in the crook of his neck and breathing deeply, feeling your heartbeat slow as his familiar scent washed over you.  'I didn’t mean to freak out on you, I just- I’m scared, Juice.’

'I won’t let anything happen to you.’

'I’m not scared for me!’  You pulled back to look into his eyes, cupping his face in your hands as you took in the features that had come to look like home to you.  At some point during the evening, as you’d hidden in the offices, waiting for the Sons to break in and drag him away from you, you’d realised that what you’d considered to be a schoolgirl crush had come to run much deeper than that.  At some point over the past few months, you’d fallen completely in love with your roommate, before you’d had any indication that he felt the same, before the kisses and the decision to take things slow.  You’d fallen for the way he smirked at you when he kicked your ass at yet another videogame; the way he wrapped you up in his arms in bed and held you tight until you fell asleep; the way he grinned at you as he held up a spoon to your lips so you could taste what he was cooking up for dinner.  You loved the determination on his face as he worked out in the middle of the living room; the seriousness with which he listened to you talk about your day, taking in every detail, little things that anyone else would’ve considered irrelevant; the smile that spread over his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes and awakening butterflies in your tummy.  God, you’d fallen in love with him for a million different reasons, but all you knew, with alarming clarity now, was that you couldn’t lose him.  'I don’t wanna lose you, Juice.  I can’t.  I couldn’t stand it!’

He stayed silent as he took in the panic in your eyes, your hands raking down his chest as you tried to make him understand that you needed him, that your life had felt worthwhile again since he’d walked back into it.  And then his mouth was crashing down on yours, his hands lacing into your hair as he kissed you with an urgency that took your breath away.  'Y/N…’

'It’s okay.’  You were done taking it slow.  Your feelings were already racing ahead, so what was the use of denying yourselves when you were already in over your head.  'I want this.  I want you.’

His forehead was pressed against yours, his eyes almost black as he exhaled shakily.  'You sure?’

You responded by slipping your hands to the hem of the hoody you were wearing and tugging it and your tank top up and over your head in one smooth movement.  You reached for the bottom of his t-shirt, urging him on, but he stilled your attempt, hooking one arm under your knees and the other round your back and lifting you as he pushed himself to his feet, steadying himself against the wall.  'What are you doing?’

'If we’re doing this, it’s not gonna be on the floor.’  He gave you a half-smile, a soft growl escaping him as you trailed your lips over his throat.  'You’re not a damn crow eater.’

You laughed quietly as he laid you down on the bed, shifting over so he could stretch out beside you, rolling on to his side so his eyes could roam over your semi-naked form.  'Please.’

Your obvious hunger for him proved to be his weakness and he rolled on top of you with a groan, the muscles in his arms tensing deliciously as he held his weight over you.  Your limbs tangled together as he devoured you with greedy, demanding kisses, driven by a primal need to taste and to tease.  Clothes were torn and discarded, nothing but barriers keeping you from feeling his skin against your own, and you traced the ink on his chest with your fingertips over and over as you felt him shiver at your touch.  It was becoming a battle to keep it together, to think clearly as he mapped your curves, eliciting soft gasps as he explored you, pushing you to give in and let your self-control slip away as you revelled in the feeling of every inch of his lean body pressed to yours.

You clung to him, a quivering mess writhing beneath him as his hands roamed over you, finding security in his biting grip and gentle strength.  Every cell of your being vibrated with need, sheer anticipation driving you wild as the tension that had built over the past few hours of panic erupted into something hot and frantic.  His eyes burned with a searing intensity as he watched you come undone beneath him, your fears fading into nothing as reality melted away.  All that existed was him, calloused fingers probing and caressing, the salty tang of his sweat-slicked skin, and the low rasping sound that caught in the back of his throat as you clawed at his shoulders, urging him closer, deeper.  

You let out a strangled cry when he finally sunk in to you, stilling for a moment as he captured your mouth in a devastating kiss, stealing your breath away as he lost himself in his own desperation, the daze created by the lack of air in your lungs only heightening every sensation as he began to move.  Your senses were overloaded, overstimulated as he claimed you on the narrow bunk, ducking to press more heated kisses to your lips when you wound your arms around his neck and tugged him down to you.  

Time lost all sense of meaning as you curled yourself around him, completely under his control as he propelled you towards your peak, dominated by his frenzied onslaught, unable to do anything but whimper against his lips when his movements stuttered and stalled, his body convulsing above you as you both tumbled over the edge.  For a split second you felt as though he’d broken you, left you shattered and splintered into a million pieces, but then he was collapsing onto you, his weight pinning you to the mattress, his breath hot on your neck, grounding you, keeping you whole as you rode out your high.

As the waves of pleasure ebbed away, Juice smoothed the hair back from your face, pressing soft, butterfly kisses over your cheeks, as he rolled onto his side, pulling you with him so he could hold you close.  Neither of you spoke, still lost in the moment, content to just gaze at each other, as you hitched your leg up over his waist, the tiniest millimetre of space between you feeling like too much.

A satisfied sigh escaped you, and you felt Juice’s lips quirk up against your shoulder as his mouth brushed over the sensitive skin.

'So much for taking things slow,’ he said at last, his voice quiet and thick with exertion.  

'I didn’t wanna wait anymore, just in case…’

'I get it.  But if we’re done with that, then there’s something I need to tell you.’

'What is it?’  You lifted your head to look at him, watching as he chewed on his lip, suddenly nervous, the silence stretching out as you waited for him to continue.

'I love you.’  He paused, reading your reaction, reassured when your eyes shone with the hint of a smile.  'I know it seems fast, but I’ve wanted this for a while now, and I think I only realised today how much you actually mean to me.  You’re the best part of my life, the only good thing I have, and I just wanted you to know.’

'I know, me too.’  You took a deep breath, holding his gaze as you repeated the sentiment back to him.  'I love you, Juice.’

‘So, what happens now?’

‘You tell me.’  You kissed his fingers as they traced over your lips.  'I mean, are we safe here or…?’

'Should be.’  His voice was calm and you knew he was putting on a brave face for you.  'If they knew where we were they’d have kicked the door down already.’

'Okay, but I mean in this town.  Are they out there?  Are they just waiting for us to slip up?’

'I don’t know.  I’m sorry. I should’ve paid more attention to the rocker but I just- I panicked.  I didn’t want them to see me with you.’

'It’s okay.’

'It’s not.’  He exhaled heavily, resting his forehead against yours, his focus on your eyes as he planned his next move.  'Look, we’ll lay low for a couple of days. We’ve got enough food to see us through 'til the end of the week, so we’ll just hide out here.  If they’re out there and we don’t show, it might be enough to make 'em think they got fed some dodgy Intel and they’ll move on.’

'But what about your work?  You’ve only just got a foot in the door with the businesses round here.  If you fall off the radar now-’

'Hey, I’ll deal with it.  I’ve got enough for next month’s rent just off the back of the three jobs I did yesterday so we’re okay for a while.  I’ll give the others a call and tell 'em there’s been a delay getting what I need from my supplier, offer them a discounted rate.  My mark-up’s pretty good.  We’ll still get by.’

You nodded, feeling your stomach dip at the thought of spending so much time alone with him, confined to the apartment, now that he’d put your mind at rest.  Despite the severity of the situation, it wouldn’t be a hardship. You knew he was in tune with your thoughts when a devilish smile spread across his face, his leg nuzzling between yours as he shifted closer.  'Just think what we could do with all that time.’

'I could kick your ass at Super Mario,’ you teased, earning yourself a disbelieving smirk in response.  'What?  I’ve been practicing!’

'I kinda had a different game in mind.’

'Oh, yeah?’  His hand was drifting south, your eyes flickering shut as his fingers dipped beneath the covers.  

'Uh huh.  You’ll like it, you know why?’  You felt a soft laugh rumble through his chest as you let out a breathy moan in response.  'We both get to win.’


	7. Chapter 7

You were addicted.  Every second that you weren’t wrapped up in Juice’s embrace, his kisses hot against your skin as his body melded with yours, was a second wasted.  His touch was intoxicating, his smile infectious, and, within the little bubble of your apartment, you realised that you were perhaps happier than you’d ever been.  Outside, however, the threat of the Sons still loomed on the horizon, and you were intensely aware of the tension that emanated from the Puerto Rican on the occasions when you lost him to his thoughts.  You knew he was imagining the storm gathering outside your door, coming for him, waiting for him.  The men he’d called his brothers, their eyes dark with bloodlust, the reaper snarling at him from the back of their kuttes and the ink on their skin, as they raised their weapons and took aim.  One minute he’d be there with you, laughing, teasing, content, and the next he’d be pacing, his eyes darting left and right, unable to stay away from the window, on constant lookout in case the danger approached.  

The fear had settled in your stomach like a lead weight and you could feel it churning there, eating away at the life you were trying to build, the connection that you were forging with the man you were falling a little more in love with every day.  Loving him was easy, as easy as breathing, but it also filled you with a chilling terror.  To lose him now would break you, leave you hollow and empty, and that outweighed the horror that you too may now be on the MC’s hit list.  

And so, you stayed locked away, each drawing comfort from the other, and tried to let the world outside melt away.

 

* * *

 

It was five days after the incident at the garage that you woke to find yourself alone in your bed, the sheets beside you cool to the touch.  You sat up, running your fingers through your tousled hair and glancing around the empty room, panic seizing your heart and squeezing it tightly, before you took a deep breath and realised you could hear the gentle pitter patter of the shower drifting through the apartment.  Rolling to your feet with a groan, you padded along the corridor, a smile quirking up the corners of your mouth when you pushed open the door in time to see Juice step out of the steam, a towel half-wrapped around his waist. Rivulets of water were trickling down his chest and your eyes followed their path over his stomach until they gathered along the roll of the towel, soaking into the fluffy cotton barrier.  

‘Morning baby.’  He stepped forward to press a kiss to your forehead, pulling you tight against him as you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck.  ‘You doing okay?’

‘Mmm, I’m good,’ you murmured, inhaling his soapy clean scent, and pulling back a little to press your finger against a purple red bruise that marred the skin above his collarbone, feeling a rush of heat at the memory of how it got there.  ‘You’re up early.’

He nodded, clearing his throat as he avoided your eyes for a moment, before glancing back to read your reaction.  ‘Gotta go to work.’

‘What?’  For a second you were stunned.  It had been days since either of you had stepped foot in the real world and the idea of him leaving you was unthinkable.  Who knew if it was safe, if the MC was still out there, roaming the streets in search of the rat.

‘It’s time.’  His brow furrowed in concern as he watched your face fall and his hold on you tightened as he sought to reassure you.  ‘Look, it’s been days and we haven’t heard anything, right?  We can’t stay up here forever.  We need money and food.  We’re pretty much down to cereal with no milk or canned vegetables now.’

‘I don’t need food, I just need you,’ you argued.  ‘What if they haven’t given up, Juice?  What if they’re still out there and they find you and-’

‘They won’t.’  He sounded so sure, but you could see the worry in his eyes.  ‘I’ll be careful, I promise.  We don’t even know that it was definitely them.’

‘But-’

‘Y/N.’  His hands slipped to your shoulders, pushing you away from him and steadying you so he could get his point across.  ‘We can’t stay in here forever.  I’ll be careful, I promise, and you should be, too, but…  We have lives here.  I’m not gonna let them ruin that.’

You could tell he was determined by the set of his jaw and you backed down, the fight going out of you.  ‘What am I supposed to do all day?  I don’t think I can go out there, Juice.’

‘You can.’  He guided you towards the shower, ushering you inside and leaning across the cubicle to turn on the spray.  ‘You have to.  It’ll be okay, I promise.  I’m just a phonecall away if you need me.’

 

* * *

 

You couldn’t breathe.  There were people everywhere, striding past you, knocking in to you, oblivious to your fear as you span wildly round, searching for any sign of black leather, of rockers and reapers, ears straining for the sound of motorcycles.   _Just go to the store on the corner_ , Juice had said.   _Grab something for dinner.  It’ll take five minutes and then you’ll be home and safe._  But that five minutes was pushing you to your limit and you barely paid attention to what you were throwing into your basket as you stumbled around the aisles in a daze, handing over an unspecified wad of bills to the cashier before darting back out onto the bustling sidewalk.  

Every casual touch as people brushed by felt like an icy hand reaching out for you, a gun nestled against the fabric of your hoody, a blade ready to slice through your skin.  The busy chatter sounded ominous, like whispers of betrayal, the MC’s spies tracking you, passing on your location, leading them back to you where you stood vulnerable and alone.  It was too much, more than you could handle, and you broke into a run as the door to your building came into view, fumbling with the lock and sprinting up the stairs, nearly twisting your ankle as you took them two at a time, throwing yourself inside your apartment as soon as you got your key in the hole and slamming the door shut behind you.  

Your pulse was racing, your hands shaking as you slid to the ground, clutching at your chest as though you could slow your heart’s deafening beat.  You hadn’t been ready, had spent so much time trying to ignore your fear that you’d completely neglected to learn how to control it.  It had eaten you alive and now you were a mess, jumping at shadows and strangers, completely unable to handle yourself in the midst of the normal weekday rush.

You couldn’t do this, couldn’t be afraid to leave home without Juice by your side.  It wasn’t fair to either of you, especially when he was working so hard to provide for you both.  He couldn’t work and babysit you at the same time, and you would never ask him to, refused to burden him with your own silly overreaction.  

A dark thought crossed your mind and for a moment you sat there, turning it over in your head, before scrambling to your feet and heading towards the corridor that led to the bathroom and the small closet opposite.  You were single-minded as you hauled open the cupboard door, shoving aside piles of bedding and towels as you reached to the back, searching for the feel of coarse canvas, fingers grasping blindly in the gloom.  You worked systematically, checking a shelf at a time, finally successful when your hands closed around something heavy and dense in the bottom right-hand corner, disrupting the stacked linen as you tugged it out onto the ground.  The black bag bulged with the shapes of the smooth metal objects within and, as you unzipped it to study the contents, you wondered idly whether the guns had been stashed in Juice’s backpack when you first brought him here, or whether he’d sourced them in shady back alleys over the past few months, squirrelling them away, just in case.  You emptied it out, laying each pistol on the ground, assessing their size and weight, before selecting the one that felt most comfortable in your hand.  The metal was buffed to perfection, so clean that you almost imagined you could see your own reflection in it, wide-eyed and afraid, and you hurriedly packed the other guns away, storing the bag back where you’d found it.  The one you claimed as your own you carried with you, stalking across the room to your handbag and slipping it inside, pushing it right to the bottom and letting the soft leather encase it, hiding it away.  Already you felt calmer, more prepared to step back out into the sunlight and get back to normality.  

 

* * *

 

Weeks passed and there was no further sign of the Sons.  You’d fallen back into your old routines, spending a lot of time in the library trying to get ahead before the new semester started, and even picking up a few shifts in the bar where you’d found Juice all those months ago.  Juice continued to have a steady flow of work, dropping round to his clients regularly to maintain their systems and discuss any alterations or improvements that might be needed.  He was good at what he did and you could see a quiet satisfaction in him that you hadn’t noticed before.  He’d got the girl, the promising new career, and was feeling settled for the first time in far too long.  He didn’t need to know how that fear still weighed you down, making every day seem twice as long, every movement exhausting.  He didn’t need to know that it was only the knowledge of your means to protect yourself in the bottom of your bag that allowed you to leave the house at all.  No, things were just fine,and you weren’t going to ruin it.  

You were in the shower when you heard him call your name from the living room, his voice questioning, though you couldn’t make out the rest of the what he said.  

‘What?  Wait a minute!’

You shut off the water, towelling yourself dry and making your way towards his voice, freezing when you saw the confusion and anger on his face.  Your handbag was clutched in one hand, your stolen pistol in the other, and your jaw dropped as you sought desperately for an explanation that might make sense to him.

‘What is this?’  His voice was low and steady, his temper contained for now, and you stepped forward to take it from him, flinching when he moved it out of your reach.

‘A gun,’ you offered lamely, dropping your eyes to the floor.

‘I can see that.  Do you even know how to shoot this thing?’

‘N-no, I just-’

‘So, why did you take it?’

‘Why were you going through my bag?’  Something drove you to go on the attack, to direct attention away from your wrongdoing, but he just shook his head.

‘That isn’t the problem here.’

‘It is to me.’

‘I needed to borrow your phone to call a client ‘cause my battery died.  I called through the door, thought you heard me, but I couldn’t see it anywhere so I figured I’d check your bag.  I didn’t expect to find this.’  His shoved the gun into your eyeline, determined to press for the truth.  ‘Why did you take it?’

You sighed, rolling your head back and rubbing the back of your neck to try to relieve the tension that had sprung up there.  ‘I don’t know.  I just wanted…  I don’t know, Juice.’

‘Do you know how much trouble you could be in if a cop found you with this?’  His voice grew louder when you just shrugged, his eyes wide with disbelief.  ‘It’s not registered, Y/N!  It’s untraceable and dirty as hell!  You don’t even have a licence to carry!’

‘I know that!’

‘So, why?’

‘Because I’m scared!’  A strangled sob followed your confession and you finally let the pressure of the past few weeks come crashing down around you.  ‘I’m scared that they’re gonna find us!’

‘I told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.’

‘But you’re not always there to protect me!  And if something happens to you, I can’t just stand there and watch!  I needed a way to fight back, okay?  I can’t just- I won’t- God, Juice, I can’t live like this!’

You crumbled, falling to the floor as your legs gave way, the towel pooling around your thighs as you buried your face in your hands.  You heard the clunk of the gun being set down on the table and then Juice’s arms were around you, rocking you back and forth as he made soft shushing sounds, letting you cry it out before he spoke again.  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I didn’t want to worry you.  I thought I’d just get over it, y’know?’

‘You’ve seemed fine.  I had no idea-’

‘The first time I went out after…  I couldn’t breathe.  I felt like everyone was watching me, like the MC were hiding around every corner, and I freaked out, I mean, I really- I panicked and I couldn’t think straight.  Having the gun, it’s just, like, a security blanket, knowing I can protect myself if I need to.  I’ve never fired a single shot, I promise.  I just need it to be there to stop me feeling so damn helpless.’

He fell silent then and a fresh wave of tears burst over you, leaving you crying into his shirt, fisting the fabric in your hands to keep him close, his arms around you anchoring you as you were overcome with fear and frustration and anger.  You hated that it had to be like this, that you had to live like this.  Everything was falling into place, but, instead of being able to enjoy it, you were on a knife edge, constantly teetering on the brink of falling part.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said finally, stroking your hair back from your face so he could take in your puffy, bloodshot eyes.  ‘I’m so sorry.  I should have known how hard this would be for you.’

‘It’s not your fault.’

‘It is!  I brought this to your town, to your home.  I took advantage because you were nice to me, and I took over your life, and I didn’t even think what that would do to you.’

‘You didn’t, Juice, it wasn’t like that.  You are my life.  I love you.’

‘I love you, too.  Which is why I can’t ask you to live like this.’

‘I’ll get past it, I will.  I just need-’

‘And what happens next time I see a kutte, or a club comes riding through?’  He sighed, rubbing a hand over his hair, focusing on the middle strip, still unaccustomed to it covering the tattoos inked on either side of his scalp.  ‘I don’t want you to have to be afraid.’

‘What other choice do we have?’  You asked the question knowing he had an answer fully formed in his mind.  You’d seen the cogs whirring as he sought a way out and the calm resolution that settled over him as he reached a decision.  You could read this man better than anyone.

‘I’m gonna go back.’

You felt your heart falter, an icy chill spreading through your veins as you gazed at him in horror.  ‘Juice, no.’

‘Not to see the club.  I know I’ve burned my bridges there.  There’s no way they’re gonna hear me out.  I’m going to see Alvarez.’

‘The Mayan OG?’  You frowned at him, his plan losing you.  ‘Why?’

‘He’s got contacts in Mexico.  I figure, if I explain what’s going on, tell him I need to get out, he might be able to get me across the border.’

‘You?  Just you?’

‘Well, that’s up to you.  I don’t want you feel like you have to come.  It’s not gonna be easy.’

‘I don’t care.  I’m with you, Juice, always.’

You saw the look of relief that flashed over his features before his expression grew serious again.  ‘It might take a little while.  We’ll need fake IDs, new papers drawn up.’

‘You really think he’ll help?’

‘I don’t know, but I have to try.’

You nodded slowly, though the thought of what he was asking for was overwhelming.  There was a time when Alvarez would have jumped on any opportunity to hurt the Sons, but times had changed and, from what you understood, SAMCRO had formed a tight alliance with the Mayans over recent years.  ‘I hate this.’

‘I know, me too.  But I want to keep you safe and I want to build a life with you.  I can’t do that here, not like this.’

‘I know.’

‘I love you.’

‘I know.’

‘And you love me, right?’

‘More than anything else in the world.’

He bent down to press a gentle kiss to your lips.  ‘And that’s why I have to do this.’

‘When?’

‘Tomorrow.  I’ll leave tomorrow.’

 

* * *

 

The first light of dawn touched the street where you stood, watching as Juice dumped his bag in the passenger seat of the beat-up truck he would drive out of town.  He’d made a call to the garage the evening before and they’d graciously agreed to let him take one of their repo’s off their hands for a decent price.  He’d wound the windows down to air it out and was now leaning against the driver’s side, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you shiver in the morning chill.  

‘You got cash for gas?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Do you need some food for the road?  Snacks or-’

‘I’m set, thanks.’

You felt awkward, shifting from foot to foot before him, his shirt hanging loose over your shoulders as you tried to hold it together.  You knew why he was doing this, knew he was trying to give you the life he thought you deserved, but seeing him preparing to leave you was killing you.  ‘Alright then.’

‘I gotta get going.’

You nodded, biting your bottom lip to try to keep the tears from your eyes, and he stepped forward to wrap you up in his arms, burying his face in your hair as you stroked over his back.  His scent was all around you, taking you back to the previous night when you’d let every ounce of the love you felt for him pour out of you as you’d shown him over and over just how much you’d miss him.  The passion and intensity had been overwhelming and you couldn’t help but feel like it was a goodbye, a last time.  Afterwards you’d cried as he cradled you against his chest, and you’d fallen asleep intertwined, holding each other for the few short hours until the sun rose.  

‘Are you sure I can’t come?’

‘It’s not safe.’  You knew he was right, but it still hurt to hear the words.  ‘I’m gonna miss you, baby.’

‘I’ll miss you, too.’

‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you.’  Your voice broke on the last word and a choked sob forced its way up your throat.  ‘Now, go, before I completely fall apart.’

‘Hey.’  His lips found yours, the kiss deepening immediately, as though he was savouring the taste of you, storing it in his memory to take out when he needed comfort during the long nights ahead.  ‘I’m coming back for you, Y/N.  I promise.’

‘I know.’  You sniffed, rubbing your hands across your eyes and swallowing hard.  ‘I know.  Be safe, okay?’

‘Always.’

He finally released you, climbing behind the wheel and adjusting the mirror before turning back to you, his arm hanging over the lip of the open window.  ‘You gotta be strong for me, okay?  No guns.  If anyone comes after you, you tell ‘em where to find me and they’ll leave you alone.  Promise me.’

‘I promise.’  The gun had been stowed carefully in the back of a drawer on the condition that you only took it out if you were certain you needed it, but you knew that, with Juice gone, the threat would go with him.  

‘That’s my girl.’

You gave him a small smile, reaching out to trail your fingers over his cheek, your resolve faltering when his lips brushed against the palm of your hand.  

The truck shuddered into life and your eyes met his one last time as you stepped away, raising a hand in a feeble wave as he put it into drive.  You could barely hear his voice as he bid you goodbye, though you could see the pain written across his face.  ‘I love you.  Remember that, whatever happens.  I love you, Y/N.’

‘I love you,’ you called after him as he pulled away, but your words were lost in the rumble of the engine as he sped along the street, turned the corner, and disappeared.


	8. Chapter 8

Juice’s personal effects were scattered across the table in the empty backroom at Red Woody, having been returned to the MC when nobody else came forward to claim them.  They’d been sitting in the safe for weeks, forgotten in the midst of the drama and loss, but now, as Chibs sat alone in the makeshift chapel, it felt like time to deal with the past, wipe the slate clean so that the club could start afresh, drawing a line under the chaos of the past few years.

Before, Chibs knew that he probably would have just thrown the rat’s belongings out.  He wasn’t without mercy, but turning on the club was an unforgivable offence in his eyes.  Perhaps it was his grief that had softened him, or perhaps it was seeing the effect that Jax’s death had had on his comrades, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that, somewhere out there, someone was waiting on the young Puerto Rican, someone who didn’t even know he was gone.

Reaching for the small black burner phone, he flipped it open and turned it on, moving quickly when he saw the battery down to its last bar.  He pulled up the contact list, half expecting to find it empty, only to see just one number saved there.  It was without a name and yet just its very presence on a device designed to be kept anonymous indicated that whoever it belonged to was important in the outlaw’s life.

It took a moment or two of debate before the Scotsman pulled out his own burner from his jacket pocket, opening it with a flick of his thumb and punching in the number, taking a deep breath before he pressed the call button.  He held it to his ear, listening to it ring, drumming his fingers against the table as he waited for someone to answer.  Instead, he heard the computerised voice of an answerphone, and he cursed under his breath as he quickly rehearsed what he was going to say.  He knew he needed to keep it as vague as possible in case the message should fall into the wrong hands and yet he felt compelled to tell the person on the other end that the man they’d once known had walked into prison and would never walk out.

The beep sounded and he swallowed hard before he began to speak.

_‘I don’t know who this number belongs to, but I believe we may have had a friend in common at one time, you and I.  If ye don’t know who I’m talking about then please ignore this, but, if ye do, there’s somethin’ ye need to know, somethin’ I need to tell ye.  This friend, he’s gone now.  He tried to make things right, but there’s no coming back from the things he did, and we had to send a message.  We can’t let rats survive.  I guess I’m calling to say that, if he meant somethin’ to ye, then I’m sorry.  He deserved to suffer for his actions, but that doesn’t mean you deserve the pain of losin’ him and I’m sorry t’ put that on ye, whoever ye are.  He was a good boy but he wasn’t made for this life and it killed him in the end.  I hear it was quick, if that helps ye at all.  We didn’ want him to suffer, we just needed him gone._ _Tha-that’s all I have t’ say.  Right then.  Bye now.’_

He ended the call, running a hand through his greying locks as he sighed.  For all he knew, his message would be received by a business associate or, hell, a used car dealership or something, but he had a feeling he’d been talking to somebody who loved the boy and it left a hollow feeling in his heart that they’d have to hear the news over voicemail.  

‘Hey, you okay in here, boss?’

Chibs glanced up as Tig appeared in the doorway, a concerned look painted over his deeply-lined face as he watched the President collect himself.

‘Yeah, all good, Tiggy.’

‘This Juice’s shit?’  He wandered over to the table, picking up a lighter and flipping the cover back, the small flame flickering to life.

‘Aye.  Figured it was time to get rid.’

‘You want me to deal with it?’

For a moment, Chibs let his eyes linger over the items before him again, swallowing the lump in his throat that came from seeing a life boiled down to a few meaningless objects tipped from a plastic bag, but then he steeled himself, forcing himself to be the leader that Jax had taught him to be.  ‘Burn it.  Ain’t no use to anyone now.’

‘Sure thing, Pres.’

 

* * *

 

Some miles away, in a tiny apartment, a hopeful girl reached for her phone, her heart skipping a beat when she saw the answerphone symbol flashing at her on the screen.  It had been a long time since she’d heard from the man she loved, the man who had driven away to seek the means to give them a new life, somewhere far away from the people that wanted to hurt him and take him from her.  Maybe this was him reaching out, letting her know that he’d done what he needed to do and he was on his way back to her, ready to whisk her off to Mexico where they could start anew.

Trying to keep the smile from her face, she pulled up the message menu, scrolling down until she reached the voicemail option, and pressed play.


End file.
